Journal

How fully I recommend this book: 10/10

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Lesson 1: Whenever you’re sick, injured, or unwell, ask: “What is my body saying no to?”

This can be more healing than asking for diagnoses or pills!

For example, I get sick whenever I’m taking on too much or whenever I’m in a situation/environment that’s not good for me.

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Lesson 2: If you don’t say “no” when you know you want or have to, your body will say it for you.

An inability to authentically say “no,” often seen in people who are overly accommodating (i.e., putting others’ needs over their own), is a strong predictor for disease. Be mindful of this.

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Lesson 3: Your life has a direct impact on your health.

We all know this intuitively!

Health does not exist in a separate world of diet, exercise, sleep, and doctors; it is in constant conversation with our whole lives, including our choices, relationships, environments, jobs, etc.

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Lesson 4: The separation of body and mind is nonsense.

Our mind, emotions, choices, relationships, and all elements of our lives will always influence our bodies, and vice versa.

We are “biopsychosocial” beings per Dr. Maté, and he has research to prove these connections.

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Lesson 5: Healthy anger is a positive physical experience.

It’s empowering, and it’s there to keep us free and safe by protecting our boundaries.

It is not a “negative” emotion; it’s a necessary one that need only be experienced.

It has nothing to do with hurting others or oneself.

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Lesson 6: There is power in negative thinking!

Rather than thinking, “Everything is going to be okay,” it is healthier to think, “Even if things get bad, I will still be able to make the best of it.”

The former leaves us dependent on circumstance; the latter gives us freedom and inner confidence.

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Lesson 7: Attachment is a non-negotiable human need.

Next time you feel “needy,” ask yourself if you may just be feeling the very-human pull toward attachment. We all need authentic relationships!

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Lesson 8: Authenticity is a non-negotiable human need!

Authenticity is as vital as attachment, if not more.

If you sacrifice authenticity just to maintain an attachment (e.g., a partner, friend, job, etc.), you are likely setting yourself up for future illness.

We all need to be authentically ourselves.

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Lesson 9: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are a strong predictor for illness. So: Compassion!

Our health is our responsibility, but not our fault. We do the best we can with the tools we have.

The more ACEs (e.g., neglect, abuse, domestic violence, etc.) we had, the higher our statistical chance of illness, addiction, and other issues.

So: Have compassion for others and your self.

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Qué tanto recomiendo este libro: 10/10

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Lección 1: El amor tiene límites.

El amor no todo lo puede, a pesar de lo que nos muestren la cultura, muchas películas y muchas canciones.

Sería más sano reconocer estos límites.

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Lección 2: Límite del amor: Si no te quieren, vete.

El primer límite es rehusarse a mendigar por amor.

Si alguien no quiere lo que uno quiere en el amor, lo mejor es «empacar e irse», según el Dr. Riso.

Y «si alguien duda que te ama, no te ama».

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Lección 3: Límite del amor: La autorrealización nunca se negocia.

Si un amor afecta tu salud o no te deja ser auténtico ni seguir tu vocación, hay que irse.

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Lección 4: Límite del amor: Defiende tus principios.

Si un amor invade tus principios esenciales, también hay que irse.

P. ej.: Si te opones a la corrupción y tu pareja roba en el gobierno, o si tu pareja te hace daño sabiendo lo que hace… hay que irse.

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Lección 5: No hay que esperar a desenamorarse para irse.

El amor es una emoción que no está bajo el control consciente, por lo que a veces la razón tiene que decidir romper un vínculo, aun cuando todavía haya amor. Según el Dr. Riso: «Te amo, pero te dejo».

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Lección 6: El amor no es el valor más importante.

Hay cosas más importantes: la tranquilidad, la paz, la justicia, la libertad, la salud, etc. Tener que sacrificar estos valores «en nombre del amor» pone en duda si realmente es o no un buen amor.

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Lección 7: Al amor lo define el adjetivo.

Si es un «mal» amor que no funciona o con quien no es, entonces no importa que sea «amor»; lo mejor sería romper.

Si es un «buen» amor que respeta los límites y hace crecer, lo mejor sería «poner el pie en el acelerador», porque es algo especial.

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How fully I recommend this book: 9/10

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Lesson 1: The key to thriving in our high-tech world is to spend less time using tech.

Consider how several tech moguls limit their children’s access to tech. Much of modern tech inhibits what humans need to thrive: autonomy, deep relationships, concentration, meaning, etc.

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Lesson 2: Modern technology is not neutral. It’s biased for profit.

A smartphone, social media, and other modern tech is not “neutral.” It is deliberately biased to get you hooked in particular ways for long periods of time so more money can be made off you.

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Lesson 3: Our phones are not part of our bodies.

Part of what drives compulsive tech use is assuming that we must always have our phones on us.

To challenge this, we can choose to be physically removed from our phones as much as possible.

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Lesson 4: Humans are not wired to be constantly wired.

We are not evolved to be in constant communication with an infinite number of people.

Modern digital communication tools can often feel like “social fast food.”

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Lesson 5: Protect positive solitude.

Creativity, rest, thinking, learning, self-discovery, and more; all these things depend on solitude, which can now be eliminated with a quick glance toward a screen.

Let’s protect our solitude!

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Lesson 6: Conversation over connection.

Connection (fully digital: all social media, texting) should ideally only serve to support conversation (human element: in-person, phone call, video call).

If we can’t ever have a real conversation with someone, they’re an acquaintance or connection, not a friend or close relationship.

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Lesson 7: Reclaim your leisure!

1st: Decide how you truly want to live your life.

2nd: Create systems for your tech use so that tech companies, advertisers, or other distractions fail to claim your time and attention. Cut out anything that doesn’t add real value.

3rd: Live your best life in our strange world!

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Lesson 8: The true cost of a thing.

Henry David Thoreau: “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”

This serves to then ask: “What is the cost of my using this or that technology in this or that way?”

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How fully I recommend this book: 10/10

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Lesson 1: What is addiction?

An addiction is any repeated behavior, substance-related or not, in which a person feels compelled to persist, regardless of its negative impacts on their life and the lives of others.

The hallmarks of addiction: compulsion, impaired control, persistence, irritability, relapse, and craving.

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Lesson 2: The question is never “Why the addiction?” but “Why the pain?”

Addictions always originate in pain, whether felt openly or hidden in the unconscious; the research literature on addicts corroborates this.

In this view, addiction is not the problem; it is a desperate attempt at a solution: an anesthetic for pain.

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Lesson 3: The pleasure in losing pain.

The pleasure in addiction is dual: the actual pleasure in the behavior and, sometimes more prominently, the pleasure of no longer feeling in pain.

Being aware of this distinction can help us ask: Is there a behavior I can do that also decreases my pain, without the negative impacts of addiction?

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Lesson 4: “What does addiction do for me?”

Instead of judging ourselves or others, we can ask how addiction is actually helping.

Perhaps alcohol gives me the illusion of confidence, or work proves that I’m worthy of praise, or sex makes me feel attractive, or heroin makes me feel loved, or smoking brings me peace, or shopping gives me a sense of importance, or the internet distracts me from pain, or gambling helps me escape rumination, etc.

Compassionate understanding is a prerequisite for healing!

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Lesson 5: The war on drugs is a war on addicts, and no one’s winning.

One can’t wage war against inanimate objects.

If addiction originates in pain, the war on drugs in its current form is mostly serving to perpetuate and amplify that pain, thus ensuring that addiction persists and worsens.

Just look at the epidemic of overdoses in the USA.

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Lesson 6: Addiction is a societal symptom.

Just as addiction in a person is a symptom of personal pain, an addict in a society is a symptom of societal pain.

“People whom we judge are our mirrors,” which is why it’s easy to judge addicts and the homeless: they reflect back to us the state of our society and its values, and maybe also the parts of ourselves that we’d rather not see.

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Lesson 7: In addiction, it’s not how you feel that counts; it’s what you do.

In addiction, your brain is literally rewired. Your prefrontal cortex loses the power to regulate behavior, which is why, only after the addictive behavior will someone realize, “Oh no, I relapsed.”

Feeling a craving is expected; what counts is what you do: Seek to refocus and buy yourself time.

If you relapse, feeling shame is expected; what counts is what you do: Reinforce compassion and do something positive.

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Lesson 8: Given the choice between guilt and resentment, choose guilt.

“If refusal to take on responsibility for another person’s behaviors burdens you with guilt, while consenting to it leaves you eaten by resentment, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide.”

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Lesson 9: Sobriety over abstinence.

Abstinence is a positive step toward healing, but sobriety is the ideal!

“In choosing sobriety we’re not so much avoiding something harmful as envisioning ourselves living the life we value.”

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Lesson 10: Addiction and the spiritual quest.

Choosing to begin the journey to heal from addiction can put us on a quest toward spirituality, self-discovery, service, meaning, purpose, self-expression, authenticity, creativity, and more. In this sense, we can transform the pain that triggered addiction into a gift. To quote Marcus Aurelius: “What stands in the way becomes the way.” Healing is possible!

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